Jens Lehmann is conveniently injured. Too conveniently. I wouldn’t be the investigative journalist that I am if I didn’t investigate this journalistically. Or perhaps more accurately, detectivistically.
The suspects for taking Jens out are many. Captain Gallas and Jens have had there fair share of tension, and I can’t imagine the Frenchman took too kindly to Lehmann’s recent mistakes. Could his attempt to hang out in Clairefontaine be an attempt to escape the glare of the Hertfordshire constabulary?
Manuel Almunia is another prime candidate. He stands to gain the most, with Arsene confirming he will start in Lehmann’s absence. On top of that, the pair have never been the best of friends.
But if you’re asking me, it’s all Arsene Wenger’s handywork. Jens’ injury is wholly down to him. And my sneaky suspicion is that this particular “injury” is fairly fictional.
Plenty of Arsenal players have been similarly “injured” before. Edu and Sylvain Wiltord, for example, were excluded when it emerged they would be leaving the club on a free. Thierry Henry was left out at two stages last season under the guise of injuries – granted, there were fitness issues, but he was potentially capable of playing through them.
And indeed, Arsene has dropped Jens before – this time he is just sparing him the indignity of sitting on the bench. Now, Lehmann has cause to be particularly concerned – Almunia has improved a lot since then, and a good run could see him usurp the ageing Lehmann for good:
“Almunia is equipped to take responsibility because he did very, very well when he played last year. He is mature and he has all the attributes you need to be successful. It was a close decision who is my number one keeper because of his performances.”
Meanwhile, Arsene has hardly given a ringing endorsement of Jens’ status as number 1:
“You have to defend your goalkeeper and your players. You don’t judge it on how many mistakes they make – you have confidence in your goalkeeper.”
Not hugely convincing, is it?
We should get more team news for Saturday today, but early indications are that Emmanuel Adebayor and even Gilberto could come into consideration.  Whether or not Adebayor or Eduardo (who scored in the week and has been backed by former Gunner Davor Suker), I have no idea, but it does seem likely Arsene will go with a more traditional front two.
On this morning’s arsecast I chat with arseblogger about the goalkeeping situation, and various other things. Have a listen.
Don’t worry, this hasn’t turned into Spursblog. If anything, today’s entry could be an extract from Laughatspursblog. As an Arsenal fan, I feel it’s my duty to point out what a hilarious mess they’ve got themselves into.
To explain ridiculous situations, I often find it best to use allegory. And so I shall today. I present to you:
The Story of the Two Watches
Danny Levy was a little boy with a dream. His dream was to have the best watch in the world, and subsequently be the coolest guy in school. Danny’s current watch wasn’t much to shout about – all the other kids laughed at him and made jokes about it.
Why? Well, Danny had never really wanted his watch. He had bought a fancy French one, and the Dutch one had come free with it. The French watch was everything had dreamed of – great brand, shiny strap, and a seamlessly-integrated stopwatch feature. But, tragically, it turned out to be rubbish. After just a couple of months, it broke completely, and Danny was forced to wear the Dutch watch.
Dutch watches are usually classy, and cool. This one wasn’t. It was enormous, and rather round. It looked, many said, like an oddly-formed potato on a strap. However, it ticked fairly regularly and generally performed alright. In spite of the taunts of all the other boys, with their fancy French and Portugese watches, little Danny resigned himself to his Dutch time-telling device.
Until one day, walking down his local street, Danny was startled by something he saw glistening in a shop window. With his nose pressed against the glass, he shielded his eyes from the sheen of the most beautiful watch he’d ever seen. Hand-crafted in Seville, Spain, it came complete with stopwatch, countdown timer, and ejector seat. This was the watch Danny had always wanted. It was the watch that would immediately catapult him into the top four coolest kids at school.
Boiling over with excitement, he burst into the shop, and asked how much it would cost for the Sevillian masterpiece.
“But a bob and hapenny”, said the shopkeeper.
“A bob and hapenny?”, thought Danny – “Why, I have that at home!”
Literally wetting himself with glee, he charged all the way back down the street to his house, smashed open his piggy bank, and emptied out the coins. Piling them into the pocket, he was about to leave once more, when he spied something on his mantelpiece: his old Dutch watch.
This was it. Now he would make that stupid watch pay for making him the butt of everyone’s jokes. Now he was going to be in the top four coolest kids at school, he had no need for the potato-shaped monstrosity. Throwing the watch to the floor, he began to jump up and down on it, crushing it’s ugly face and breaking it’s flailing hands. Satisfied his work was done, Danny started out again, heading back towards the shop.
As he walked, he whistled. He couldn’t wait for the accolades that would greet his wonderful new wrist-watch. Imagine the glories that awaited him. He reached the shop door, and a little bell sounded as he entered.
“I’ve brought my bob and hapenny”, said Danny.
“Why, whatever for?” asked the shopkeeper.
“The watch of course”, replied Danny, “The beautiful Spanish one you said I could have yesterday”.
“Oh, I’ve changed my mind,” said the shopkeeper – “I’m keeping it for at least a year. Now fuck off.”
Danny was crestfallen. He sank to his knees in the shop, and bawled. Not big, manly tears, but the tears of a six-year old girl. He cried and cried until he could cry no more. As he walked all the way home, all the passers by laughed at Danny, and this time more than ever.
When he got in, he collapsed to the floor, defeated. His dreams of the Spanish watch and top four popularity had been shattered. Danny sobbed some more. He stank of salty tears and urine. This was the undoubted low-point of his young life.
Glancing over to the corner of the room, he saw the Dutch watch, as crumpled and defeated as himself. But now, all of a sudden, he needed it again. After all, he couldn’t go the whole season without a watch. He was prepared to wait for the Spanish watch to be put on sale again, but in the mean-time…
Danny winced at the thought. But he had no choice. His eyes red with crying, he picked up the now mashed potato-watch. Slowly, he fastened the strap to his wrist.
Once again, Danny was a prisoner to its mediocrity. And this time, it was all smashed up and ruined and stuff.
Arsenal may be signing Palacios. That’s “Palacios“, not Palacio – that previous fêted but ill-fated transfer rumour.Â
Wilson Palacios, a 23-year-old winger, has been on trial for almost a week and will find out today or tomorrow whether or not he has done enough for Arsene Wenger to keep him permanently.
Palacios, who plays for Honduran team Deportive Olimpia, has previously had trials at Red Star Belgrade and Monaco, which reportedly fell through over “enconomic differences” and Palacios’ non-EU status respectively. However, the player’s father is confident about his chances of earning a move:
“He called us Monday afternoon, which alleviated our concerns, but it’s good news. He passed the medical examinations well. He’s already been in London five days, and if he’s made the right impression, he will remain there. We haven’t yet discussed the economic aspects – they are not important to us – what matters is that my son remains playing in England.”
Palacios began his career as a right-back, but his attacking instincts have seen him shunted forward into a wing role. He’s got a hell of a shot on him, as this video demonstrates – go to 1:05 in (or 38 seconds from the end) to see the goal hailed in Honduras as the best of all time:
Reports suggest that we would be prepared to pay £2m for Palacios’ services.
Of course, this could all be smoke without fire. Smoke from a cigarette, perchance. But there are some fairly reliable localsources (ie. ones that don’t quote The Sun) backing it up. It would hardly be a superstar signing, but with just over a week remaining in the transfer window, it might be all we can look forward to.
UPDATE: The Sporting Director of Palacio’s club, Osman Madrid, has spoken about the player’s potential move:
“The agreement with Arsenal is practically a fact – there is a big possibility, though it is not yet certain if the player will go on loan to English soccer.”
Whether that means it is not certain whether the player will move on loan or permanently, or on loan or not at all, I have no idea. Still, interesting stuff. Stick with us for the latest.
Now, thanks to our friends at arseshirts.com, two Gunnerblog readers will be able to celebrate HLEB! in style with one of these Hlebilicious t-shirts.
All you have to do is Answer this question:
Against which team did Aleksandr Hleb score his first Arsenal goal?
Email your answers to hleb@gunnerblog.com. Winners will be announced on Friday.
In other news, Jens Lehmann isn’t too fussed about his “simple” mistakes. On the one hand you’d have to say it’s good that he’s not dwelling on it. On the other you’d have to say that it’s that kind of arrogance that led him to make the mistakes in the first place.
Now get those rosary beads out and start praying all out internationals remain fit.
Arsene Wenger on possible transfers before September 1st:
“I still feel I will do something if it comes up. I have not found anybody. Either they do not exist, or if you go into the market and want to buy someone tomorrow, it will be at a very high price.”
Perhaps it is the “high price” that is preventing Arsene Wenger from pursuing an interest in Croatian midfielder Luka Modric. Or perhaps it is the fact that he is now cup-tied in the Champions League. But links with the diminuitive playmaker will not go away, be they in English papers, the Croatian press, or on a variety of blogs.
It is a curious one. Modric is, from afar, a carbon copy of what we already have – he even looks a bit like a slightly uglier version of Czech maestro Tomas Rosicky.
Like Rosicky, Modric is capable of playing on the left as well as in the centre, in spite of being predominantly right-footed. He is an accurate passer with impressive vision and a good deal of flair. In 16 caps for Croatia, he has grabbed three goals, with an eye for the spectacular strike.
Online Gooner, who are about as reliable as a Tottenham defender, previously suggested the deal could be on hold until January. It’d make sense from Dinamo’s perspective – losing Modric and Eduardo in one Summer would be nothing short of disastrous.
Personally, I’m fairly confident that all the speculation about Modric has some reliable foundation. We know Arsene has a fetish for slight, skillful midfielders who don’t score many goals. But whether or not that means any deal will actually go through, we can’t possibly guess.
I don’t think Modric is the man we need. From what I can see, he wouldn’t give us something we desperately lack – attacking alternatives. Bringing Modric in for Hleb or Rosicky would essentially be replacing like-for-like. We need another power winger – a left-sided Eboue. But better. Arsene might claim such a player doesn’t exist, but I find that hard to believe. It’s no use me guessing who we might bring in – I wouldn’t have predicted the signings of Fabianski, Sagna, or Eduardo. Arsene
In other news, Arsenal have a go at Le Crossbar Challenge. Watch out for stunning displays of technique from Song, Senderos, and Walcott.
I’ll end with the compulsory YouTube compilation. It’s not hugely impressive, which can’t be a good thing:
Arsenal may be signing Palacios. That’s “Palacios“, not 
Now, thanks to our friends at 
Perhaps it is the “high price” that is preventing Arsene Wenger from pursuing an interest in Croatian midfielder Luka Modric. Or perhaps it is the fact that he is now cup-tied in the Champions League. But links with the diminuitive playmaker will not go away, be they in English papers, the Croatian press, or on a variety of blogs.
