Archive for June 7th, 2011

Shape Up or Ship Out, Part 4: Strikers

139 comments June 7th, 2011

The last installment in this series is finally here.  The end of term reports are all in, and the players can begin constructing lies to tell their parents about just how or why their grades are so damning.  This time round we’re looking at Strikers.  As ever, rather than As Bs and Cs, there are three slightly different verdicts on offer.

As You Were: The player didn’t have a bad season, and just needs to continue progressing
Shape Up: More is expected if they’re to retain their place in the squad
Ship Out: Time’s up

To read about Goalkeepers and Defenders, and Midfielders follow the magic linkies.

ROBIN VAN PERSIE
33 Appearances, 22 goals, 7 assists. Under any circumstances, that’s an impressive tally. When you consider that seven of those appearances were from the bench, and another few came in a first half of the season interspersed with unsurprising injury problems, it’s all the more extraordinary.
Van Persie’s form in the calendar year of 2011 has been the best of his entire career. He’s broken records, scoring in nine successive away games, and matching the record of 18 goals scored in a single season from January 1st onwards currently held by Thierry Henry and Cristiano Ronaldo.
It’s exhalted company, but Van Persie’s form this season warrants that kind of comparison. His scoring exploits were in the fantasy league realm of the Messis and the Ronaldos. After a slow start – arguably to be expected after playing the entirety of the World Cup last summer – he exploded into life. It doesn’t bear thinking about where we might have ended up without his goals.
Verdict: As You Were

MAROUANE CHAMAKH
It seems strange to think that back in the winter I was wondering if Marouane Chamakh’s contribution had rendered Van Persie obsolete. With the Dutchman on the sidelines, the Moroccan’s willing running and aerial ability provided a focal point for our attack. There were goals too, and plenty of them. For a while he and Samir Nasri were the primary attacking threat in the side.
And then it all stopped. If you listen to Arsene Wenger, he ran out of gas. If you listen to whispers on the web, his ran in to trouble in his personal life. Whatever happened, Chamakh lost his mojo. Suddenly the player who had acclimatised uncannily well to the Premier League looked like Bambi on Ice. Post-lobotomy.
I don’t doubt he still has plenty to offer. If his season had happened in reverse order, you’d write off the first six months as an ‘adaptation period’ and then be excited about the prospect of seeing him in full flight next year. That said, if he’s to justify his enormous salary we need to see more of what he showed us back in August.
Verdict: Shape Up

NICKLAS BENDTNER
The world’s bulkiest right-winger appears to have reached the end of his Arsenal career. The man with the squad number as high as his self-esteem made just 14 starts last season, most of which in an unfamiliar and suited position. I’ve already talked about him at length here – the news that he is “100%” certain of his decision to quit Arsenal comes as little surprise.
I’m sure he’ll make a good career for himself. Unfortunately it just wasn’t meant to be here.
Verdict: Ship Out

CARLOS VELA
Sometimes, a loan spell with another Premier League club can be the making of a player. Witness Alex Song at Charlton, or Jack Wilshere at Bolton. Two goals in six months at West Brom was hardly the sort of form to suggest that Vela is ready to make an impact at the Emirates. Bolton themselves, who were initially gutted to miss out on Vela over his agent’s ludicrous demands, must’ve been delighted to dodge that particular bullet and instead end up with the impressive Daniel Sturridge.
Vela’s agent insists the player is expecting to report for pre-season duty at Arsenal. Maybe so, but I can’t see Arsene persisting with this one for too much longer. If Bendtner leaves, another striker will arrive, and Vela will find himself at the back of the queue once again.
Verdict: Ship Out

Thanks for following, guys. Next up will be the Gunnerblog End of Season Awards 2011, which should be a right barrel of laughs. Or not.


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