Arsenal fans worldwide rejoiced yesterday as Cesc Fabregas put pen to paper on a new long-term contract with the Gunners. The little man himself had this to say on the subject:

“Iâ??m delighted to be pledging my long-term future to Arsenal. My first year here has been like a dream, I never thought I would have the opportunity to play in the first team so early on. But Iâ??ve worked hard and will continue to do so, learning from the best players around – Iâ??m very excited about my future here.”

Isn’t he the cutest?

The diminuitive genius also found time to come second in the Arsenal.com Player of the Month poll. The winner of that award was, somewhat unsurprisingly, Jose Reyes. However, having been handed both the Premiership and Arsenal Player of the Month awards, his list of honours has not stopped expanding.

Oh no.

Jose Reyes is the lucky, lucky, lucky winner of the first ever Gunner-Blog “Man of the Moment” Award.

“Why not Man of the Month?“, I hear you cry.

Well, you miseducated fools, by making it “Moment” I get to update it as and when I want. It also means that I can implement it now, right in the middle of the month.

Oh the joys of editorial freedom.

Oh. Really?

I thought it was because you were shit.

In other news, we’re really poor. Mihir Bose, a prize wanker if ever I saw one, says in The Telegraph that

“The football business lost £6 million on an operating level after buying and selling players, while in the 2002-03 season it made a small profit of £700,000.”

Care yet?

“Wages made up around 45 per cent of income last season compared to nearly 52 per cent two years ago. But this incorporates some nifty accounting footwork with income from property being added to football income.”

Remotely fussed? Anybody?

“Ten years ago, Arsenal led the way in England with merchandise sales, but last season the income from retail was £6.9m, nearly £2m down on the year before.”

Nike’s fault.

“There is an exceptional write-off of £6.3m reflecting “the impairment of certain players’ registrations and reduces the carrying value of those registrations to their expected recoverable amount”. What this means is that signings such as Francis Jeffers were not worth what Wenger paid.”

Jeffers, you jug-eared cunt.

Some people.

UPDATE (17:51) : Cesc Fabregas has committed his long-term future to Arsenal football club by signing an extension to his current deal. Great news. More tomorrow.

Last night saw Arsenal beat PSV Eindhoven 1-0 in a rather dire match. The lack of entertainment was largely due to PSV’s reserved style of play – steadfastly refusing to make any effort to actually win the match, even when behind to an Alex own goal.

The main team news was that Freddie Ljungberg had lost his race for fitness, meaning Jose Reyes came into the team, and Pires moved out to the right. Pascal Cygan continued to deputise for the injured Sol Campbell, and Robin van Persie made the bench against his fellow countrymen.

The first half was an Arsenal-dominated affair. Henry, Reyes, and Pires all came close to scoring before the deadlock was eventually broken. Henry collected the ball on the left-hand-side of the penalty area, and drove to the by-line, before cutting the ball back towards the on-rushing Patrick Vieira. The Chelsea-owned Brazilian defender Alex intervened, however, skillfully managing to strike the ball with both legs, forcing it to career off-course and into the back of the net.

In the second half, Arsenal appeared weary and lacking in ideas as PSV came back into the game. Vennegoor of Hesselink should have done better with a volleyed chance; driving the ball wide of the far post with just 15 minutes to spare. A late flurry from PSV panicked the Arsenal defence somewhat, but the anchored axis of Vieira and Gilberto enabled them to hold fast.

We won.

That ought to be the be-all and end-all. However, for some fans, not even winning is enough. The expectations on this team have now risen to ridiculous levels, and it’s important that we try to remember that they had played 4 games in very quick succession, and that the physical demands of our style of football are very high. We can’t expect to sweep away sides such as PSV with the same ease as we do someone like, with the greatest respect, Norwich. It’s unrealistic. A win was a great start, and we’ll grow from here.

Player Review:

Jens Lehmann
Solid and commanding. The Standard said he had a “quiet game“. That’s always a good thing for a goalkeeper, I’d imagine. He’s becoming ever-more reliable. (Warning: This of course means that on Saturday he’ll mis-hit a goal-kick into his own net. Obviously.)
7

Lauren:
Fairly anomynous. Was often exposed by Pires, who didn’t seem to feel like defending very much at all.
5

Kolo Toure
Not his best game – he seemed to resort to just kicking the ball really really far. Needless to say, it didn’t work.
6

Pascal Cygan
I’ve seen him berated for his performance in various forums and the like, but I have to say, being there, he seemed ok. His distribution was much better than Kolo’s, and he seemed to hold the line well. He did have one erratic moment where he let Vennegoor get free, but apart from that he wasn’t too worrying. Still, I can’t really justify giving him more than a
6

Ashley Cole
I have no recollection of Ashley in the match whatsoever. For fairness’ sake, I’ll say
6

Robert Pires
In the first half, he was very average. In the second, he improved a little. However, defensively, he was pretty shoddy. He’s much much better coming from the left, and he didn’t seem at all happy out on the right last night.
6

Gilberto
Man of the Match. Yes, that’s right: Gilberto was Man of the Match. So many blocks and tackles, such good passing, and a few wonderful spins and tricks that we haven’t really seen before. I think being the main man during Paddy and Edu’s absence may have improved his confidence ten-fold.
9

Patrick Vieira
A very solid performance. Defensively he was excellent, and even got forward and into the box a few times, as evidenced in the goal. Needs to learn to shoot more often though. He’s really scored some crackers in the past, and often let’s good oppurtunities drift by.
8

Jose Reyes
Tried his best, as ever, but it didn’t quite come off for him tonight. He and Henry inter-changed fairly well up the left-hand-side, and Jose nearly got himself a goal early on, but for whatever reason, he didn’t quite click into gear tonight. He’s still a massive threat who looks dangerous every time he gets the ball, though. Was replaced by Edu, who did do very well. Central midfield now has a lot of competition for places.
7

Dennis Bergkamp
Not his best game. Linked up fairly well, but nothing really came off for him. Not really his fault – they sat Cocu on him and gave him very little space to work in.
5

Thierry Henry
Really gave his all, and nearly scored a couple of blinders cutting in from the left. Still the main man.
8

——————————————–

In other news, I went for a long-sleeved home shirt with Premiership badges and Bergkamp 10 on the back. Standard.

Tonight we play PSV Eindhoven, in what should really be a relatively comfortable start to our Champions League campaign.

“Relatively”.

Because you see, if anybody can screw this up, then it’s us.

Actually, I lie.

There is one man whose capabilities for disaster far exceed our own. Whose capacity to single-handedly destroy a game of flowing football is matched only by Emile Heskey ever being allowed to “play“.

A man whose star rose like a phoenix from the proverbial flames of Wales’ disappointing draw with Northern Ireland.

A man on a mission to prevent the act of celebration.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

Domenica Messina.

Look at him – making decisions, and… stuff.

Arsene is suitably terrified.

However, we should probably overcome PSV, even if by the end it’s down to about 5-a-side. That might even be more fun.

I’ll be there, and I’m bloody excited about it too… Might buy the home shirt whilst I’m there. I’m torn between Bergkamp, Reyes, and Fabregas. Part of me thinks if it’s Bergkamp’s last year, I really ought to get him on the shirt. However, another part of me knows that Dirty Den is an awful liar who never actually retires. Hm hm hm. We’ll see.

Up the arse.

Again, I lied.

Sorry, I’m compulsive at the moment.

And it’s so tempting when there really is no news around.

Arsene and PV4 have said some things about how they want to win in Europe. Well there’s a surprise. I’d link you to it, but it really is that uninteresting.

This, on the other hand, is pretty fascinating.

Arsenal beat Fulham 3-0 on Saturday, with some help from the referee.

I didn’t see the game in full, so it’s very difficult for me to report on it properly, but from what I hear Pascal Cygan had a very solid game, as did Gilberto Silva. The reason I point this out is because these two are hardly fan favourites, and occasionally recieve stick from the stands. If this goes anyway towards improving peoples opinions of these two, then it’s worthwhile.

It goes with saying that Jose Reyes was superb, changing the game after his introduction on the hour.

Let’s hope he starts tomorrow.

I’ll be there.

Whooo etc.

Welcome to a new feature intended to further educate some of our less-knowledgable fans (for example, the rubbish foreign ones), about our multi-talented squad.

Today’s featured player: Gael Quichy.

Stan Lazaridis applauds excitedly as Gael Quichy heads clear.

Gael was born 1985 in the small Parisian suburb, Spain. From an early age he learnt the power and importance of discipline from his father, who was a Swan. Like many half swan-half man children, Gael discovered it was difficult to fit in with his peers at school. He found himself the subject of bullying, and later blamed this period for his fear of throw-ins. In his recent autobiography, “Gael Force” (Penguin Books), Gael described it as a difficult time:

“Je m’appelle Gael Quichy. J’ai douze ans.”

In a quest for popularity, Gael made a pact one rainy night that he would become the finest beach volleyball player in France. Tragically, that very night, strong winds dislodged the net, forcing the children at his school to play football during their games session. It was by this twist of fate that Gael Quichy first kicked a football, and such was his obvious prominence and pace (which he attributes to his superstition that he will only play football when shooting downhill) that superstardom clearly beckoned. The rest, as they say, is false.

Quichy facts:

• Gael is 181 cm tall, making him the tallest quiche in the world, according the Guinness Book of Records.
• Superstitious Gael will not eat Poptarts for breakfast, claiming that they â??are more like desert than breakfastâ?.
• Gael can run the 100 metres. Both ways.
• Gael’s father promised that he would get home from work early to watch Gael blow out the candles on his 9th birthday cake, however, he never made it home, and Gael has not spoken to his father since.
  
  

Quichy chants:

(To the tune of “Sound of The Underground” by Girls Aloud)
Have you?
Have you?
Have you got any eggs?
Have you got any eggs for my Quichy?
Have you got any eggs?

(To the tune of “Fun House”)
Quichy
Heâ??s a whole lot of fun
Ooh heâ??s on a run
Someones got a gun
(you should probably tell the stewards
before somebody gets skewered)

(To the tune of “Liverpool, Liverpool”)
Clichy, Clichy

———

See, and I even managed to go the whole article without even mentioning that it’s September 11th today.

Shit.

Sorry, I lied.

Fulham tomorrow. Game on.

Applause>

Thankyou Sporting Life. Thankyou for making the barren landscape of the Arsenal Newsnow section that much brighter with a headline of such pure, unparalleled genius that I am tempted to engrave it into my forehead.

I wish I was lying when I say that that is the most interesting piece of Arsenal news there has been since my last update. However, I’m not.

To be fair, as football stories go, it’s fairly colourful. TV Chef/football supremo Delia Smith labels Henry inconsiderate for refusing to sign autographs for small East Anglian ruffians – Henry, outraged, hits back, with the somewhat weak line “This woman wasn’t even there“. Bless.

Well, it now seems that Thierry Henry won’t be signing for Norwich. He has only himself to blame.

Tonight England play Poland. If we don’t win, all the papers will say Sven should go, and then he won’t.

Will he, Pingu.

None. Not even a little ickle bit.

That’s why there hasn’t been update.

Internationals are shit. They destroy all club-related news.

I’ll be back when there’s something worth remarking upon. Which might be never. Who knows.

Until then, here’s a picture of Pingu:

Don’t ask.

He does. Honest. It says so here.

It’d be a great game. Arsenal and Barcelona are arguably the two best pure footballing sides in Europe at the moment. Their signings of Belletti, Sylvinho, Guily, Deco, Larsson, and Eto’o make them worthy joint favourites for the Spanish league. I can’t think of many matches I’d prefer, actually.

Fear not though – we’ll go out to Valencia long before then.

Interestingly, Patrick Vieira has thrown a strop because Arsene has decided not to play him despite the skipper’s insistence that he is fit. The fact is that at the moment, we don’t need him. Gilberto and Fabregas is proving a fairly reliable midfield axis. I’m sure the additions of Vieira and Edu will only improve us, but there’s no need to rush. So, in the words of William Shakespeare: “If you love the club so much, shut the fuck up.”

In other news, Jose Reyes is the best player in the Premiership. If it’s in the OPTA Index, it must be true. Oh, and Tel is the 2nd best. And Pires is the 3rd. It would seem we’re fairly sorted.